Trump Rants on Twitter During Historic Impeachment Vote


-Let’s get to the news. Well, the day Trump’s
been dreading is finally here. They’re out of those
chicken sandwiches again. President Trump
was impeached today, though I think it’s a little
like having a raccoon in your garage
and poking it with a broom. It’s still there. It’s just mad now. President Trump was on Twitter
during today’s impeachment vote and accused Democrats of
carrying out “an assault on America and an
assault on the Republican Party, filled with atrocious lies
by the radical Left.” Oh, my God. Stop yelling. I feel like we elected
a 2:00 a.m. mattress commercial
as president. Why do you always
have to use all-caps? Honestly. I can’t wait until Trump
is finally out of office and the only time
we see all caps is when Joe Biden smiles. According to a new report,
women worldwide will not receive equal pay to
men until the year 2277. “In that case, let it all burn,”
said Greta Thunberg. A new study has found
that Iceland is the most gender-equal
country in the world, because it turns out it’s pretty
hard to discriminate based on gender when
everyone’s wearing 12 layers. The Motion Picture Academy
has released its short list for Oscar nominations for
Best Original Song, which does not include
Taylor Swift’s work from the movie “Cats.” When asked when they didn’t
consider “Cats,” the academy said, “Oh!” A man was arrested
in Tennessee recently after a drug-sniffing dog
discovered that he had more than 80 pounds of marijuana
disguised as Christmas gifts. Either that or they were
Christmas gifts. Eh? How did you know? The first reviews of the new
“Star Wars” sequel, “The Rise of Skywalker,”
came out today and generated a largely negative
response from critics. So, in an act of desperation, they’ve added an even
babier Yoda. They don’t just show up.
They got to be born. And, finally, a New York woman
filed a lawsuit this week against a Manhattan
bar called The Stumble Inn after she allegedly
fell down the stairs, which is still better than what
happened to her at Señor Knife Fights.

About the author

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *