Stephen Talks To Kids About The Election


ALREADY, THIS ELECTION HAS BEEN
UNLIKE ANYTHING I’VE EVER SEEN. THE ANGER, THE FIGHTING, THE
ALL-AROUND TRUMPINESS OF THIS RACE, HAS CREATED AND
INTERESTING PROBLEMS FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS WHO WANT TO EDUCATE
KIDS ABOUT DEMOCRACY. IN FACT, ONE TEACHER EVEN SAID,
“SHE WORRIES ABOUT THE SCHOOL’S MOCK-DEBATE SEASON, WHEN SOMEONE
WILL HAVE TO PLAY MR. TRUMP, A CANDIDATE WHO, IF HE WERE A
STUDENT, WOULD BE SENT STRAIGHT TO THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) IT’S TRUE. THOUGH I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR HIS
PLAN TO BUILD A WALL THROUGH MRS. GREEN’S HOMEROOM AND MAKE
SPANISH CLASS PAY FOR IT. ( APPLAUSE )
BUT I BELIEVE KIDS MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO TEACH US ALL ABOUT
THIS ELECTION, BECAUSE THEY’RE TOO INNOCENT TO UNDERSTAND ADULT
BEHAVIORS LIKE MEAN NICKNAMES AND THROWING TANTRUMS,
AND NOT JUST ABOUT DONALD TRUMP. THEY CAN ALSO TEACH US ABOUT THE
GIRL WHO GETS STRAIGHT A’s AND DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE’S NOT
MORE POPULAR. ( LAUGHTER )
OR THE OLDER GUY WHO GRADUATED YEARS AGO BUT JUST KEEPS HANGING
AROUND WITH COLLEGE KIDS. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) NOT TO MENTION ALL THE KIDS WHO
WERE BULLIED SO BADLY THEY JUST WENT HOME.( APPLAUSE )
SO RECENTLY I DECIDED TO SIT
DOWN AND GET THE THOUGHTS OF THE
KEY UNDER-SEVEN VOTING DEMOGRAPHIC. THIS IS “ROAD TO THE WHITE
HOUSE.”>>IT’S LIKE WE’RE A BUNCH OF
BABIES, LIKE WE’RE A BUNCH OF STUPID, STUPID BABIES.>>Stephen: HI. HI.>>HI.>>Stephen: HI, I’M STEPHEN. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU GUYS ABOUT
THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. DO YOU GUY KNOW WHAT THE
PRESIDENT DOES? WHAT DOES THE PRESIDENT DO?>>THE PRESIDENT IS SOMEONE WHO
MAKES THE CITY A BETTER PLACE.>>Stephen: MAKES THE CITY A
BETTER PLACE. JOHN CARLO.>>THE PRESIDENT MAKES THE RULES
FOR EVERYBODY SO PEOPLE DON’T DO THE BAD THINGS.>>Stephen: YES?>>RUNS AMERICA.>>Stephen: RUNS AMERICA. YES?>>HE HELPS THE WORLD.>>Stephen: YUP.>>MAKES LAW S.>>Stephen: A PRESIDENT IS
LIKE A MOMMY OR A DADDY THAT KEEPS PEOPLE SAFE AND HELPS MAKE
THE LAWS AND ALSO HAS NUCLEAR WEAPONS. ( LAUGHTER )
OKAY. HERE ARE SOME PICTURES OF
CANDIDATES WHO HAVE ALREADY DROPPED OUT OF THE RACE. NOW, THIS YEAR, ORIGINALLY,
THERE WERE 24 PEOPLE RUNNING. DO YOU KNOW ANY OF THESE
PEOPLE’S NAMES? DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT BECAUSE
YOU’LL NEVER NEED TO LEARN THEM. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO THIS MAN
IS?>>UUMM.>>?>>Stephen: NO, IT’S NOT ME,
IT’S NOT ME. BUT THANK YOU. I’LL TAKE MY GLASSES OFF, DO I
KIND OF LOOK LIKE HIM?>>YES.>>YES.>>Stephen: I FORGIVE YOU. I FORGIVE YOU ALL. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL– IF HE WAS
AN ANIMAL, WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL DO YOU THINK HE WOULD LOOK LIKE?>>I DON’T KNOW.>>A SNAKE.>>Stephen: A LITTLE BIT LIKE
MAYBE A SNAKE WEARING A MAN-SKIN? YEAH.>>BERNIE SANDERS!>>BERNIE SANDERS!>>BERNIE SANDERS.>>Stephen: THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S
BERNIE SANDERS. BERNIE BELIEVES THAT PEOPLE
DON’T SHARE ENOUGH. IS IT IMPORTANT TO SHARE.>>YES!>>I THINK IT’S FAIR TO SHARE.>>I THINK IT’S FAIR TO SHARE.>>Stephen: YOU THINK IT’S
FAIR TO SHARE.>>I THINK IT’S FAIR TO SHARE,
TOO.>>Stephen: HOW DOES BERNIE
MAKE YOU FEEL? WHEN YOU LOOK AT BERNIE HOW DO
YOU FEEL? RAISE YOUR HAND.>>HAPPY.>>HAPPY.>>Stephen: WAIT, HOW DO YOU
FEEL– ONE SECOND?>>CONFUSED.>>Stephen: CONFUSED? ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THIS IS HILLARY CLINTON. AND SHE KIND OF SEEMS LIKE A
GRANDMA WHO GIVES YOU CANDY BUT IT’S NOT THE KIND OF CANDY THAT
YOU LIKE, BUT YOU EAT IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT’S ALL THE CANDY THAT
THERE IS. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) BUTTERSCOTCH. DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT
BUTTERSCOTCH IS? ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH WEUTHER’S
ORIGINALS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE? THAT’S ALL SHE HAS. THAT’S ONLY KIND OF CANDY SHE
HAS. DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS IS? YES?>>DONALD TRUMP.>>Stephen: THAT’S DONALD
TRUMP. DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY QUESTIONS
ABOUT HIS HAIR? BECAUSE I’M NOT SURE I CAN
ANSWER THOSE, BUT I’LL TRY. YES?>>IT KIND OF LOOKS YELLOW.>>Stephen: IT DOES KIND OF
LOOK YELLOW. DOES IT LOOK LIKE IT’S REALLY
HIS HAIR?>>IT’S A CREEPY CREATURE THAT
CRAWLED ON TOP OF HIM.>>Stephen: IT’S A CREEPY
CREATURE THAT CRAWLED ON TOP OF HIM? IT COULD BE, OR IT COULD JUST BE
HIS HAIR. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT DONALD
TRUMP?>>THAT HE WANTS — THAT HE
WANTS TO PUT A WALL THROUGH THE MEXICANS IN AMERICA.>>Stephen: HE WANTS TO PUT A
WALL THROUGH THE MEXICANS IN AMERICA. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT
MR. TRUMP?>>IS HE YELLING.>>Stephen: HE’S YELLING RIGHT
NOW. YES. HE’S YELLING ALMOST ALL THE
TIME. YOU CAN GUYS TRY TO MAKE THIS
FACE? ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S GOOD. THAT’S GREAT. OKAY, DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME
PICK WHO THE NEXT PRESIDENT IS GOING TO BE.>>YES!>>YES.>>Stephen: AT THE TOP OF YOUR
LUNGS SAY WHO YOU THINK THE NEW PRESIDENT IS GOING TO BE. ONE, TWO, THREE–… THERE YOU
HAVE IT.

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