Is There A Late Show Democratic Primary Curse?


>>Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS,
EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DON’T WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION ANYMORE…( LAUGHTER )
LIKE IT OR NOT, THE ACCELERATION LESS THAN A YEAR AWAY, AND IT’S
IMPORTANT! AND I’LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN
TONIGHT’S “DOING IT DONKEY STYLE.” FIRST UP IN THE D-ZONE, FORMER
VICE PRESIDENT AND TELEVANGELIST TELLING YOU HOW TO WHITEN YOUR
TEETH WITH THE POWER OF PRAYER, JOE BIDEN. BIDEN HAS A NEW CAMPAIGN TOOL
AIMED AT RURAL IOWA VOTERS: THE NO MALARKEY BUS TOUR! THAT IS CHARMINGLY OLD
FASHIONED, BUT NOT NEARLY AS MUCH AS HIS FIRST PITCH, “UNCLE
JOE-JOE’S MINIMAL FIDDLE-FADDLE WHISTLESTOP JALOPY DRIVE-ABOUT.” UNFORTUNATELY, BIDEN’S CAMPAIGN
SO FAR DOES CONTAIN TRACE AMOUNTS OF MALARKEY. SPECIFICALLY, A LITTLE TRASH
TALK ABOUT ENTHUSIASM FOR HIS DEMOCRATIC RIVALS. BIDEN TOLD REPORTERS, “YOU DON’T
SEE THAT ENTHUSIASM WITH WARREN. STOP KIDDING A KIDDER, OKAY? COME ON, MAN. GIVE ME A BREAK.”( AS BIDEN )
“COME ON, MAN. GIVE ME A BREAK! IT’S BALONEY, POPPY-COCK,
FLIM-FLAM-BALDERDASH-HORSEHOCKEY ONE OF THESE HAS TERMS HAS GOTTA
BE CURRENT, RIGHT? IS IT CRUNK? AM I CRUNK? IS IT CRUNK?>>Jon: NO, THAT’S DONE. CRUNK IS DONE
>>Stephen: AM I DONE?>>Jon: NO
>>Stephen: I’M NOT DONE.( LAUGHTER )
23 SKI DO, BROTHER. CLEARLY, JOE BIDEN IS HUNGRY FOR
VICTORY, OR HUNGRY FOR SOMETHING, BECAUSE RECENTLY THIS
VERY TOUR BROUGHT US ONE OF THE MOST BAFFLING IMAGES OF THE
ENTIRE CAMPAIGN, WHEN DURING HIS WIFE JILL’S SPEECH, JOE LEANED
OVER AND NIBBLED ON HER FINGER. CAN WE SEE A CLOSE-UP OF THAT,
JIM? AND CAN WE– I DON’T– CAN WE
SHOW THAT ON CBS, JIM?( LAUGHTER )
OKAY. THAT’S BETTER. IT’S FAMILY– PAY ATTENTION. JILL, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! YOU’VE GIVEN JOE A TASTE FOR
HUMAN FLESH! NOW AT THE DEBATE, HE’S JUST
GOING TO DEVOUR PETE BUTTIGIEG! ELSEWHERE IN THE D-STYLE,
THERE’S A HUGE NUMBER OF DEMOCRATS RUNNING THIS YEAR. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT PERSON IS. BUT SEVERAL OF THEM HAVE JUST
DROPPED OUT. FOR INSTANCE, SENATOR KAMALA
HARRIS HAS ANNOUNCED SHE IS DROPPING OUT OF THE RACE. THERE SHE IS. OFF TO LOW ORBIT. WHEN IT COMES TO NOT BEING THE
FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT, SHE WAS THAT LITTLE GIRL.( LAUGHTER )
SENATOR–>>Jon: OOOOH!>>Stephen: YOU’RE WELCOME. SENATOR HARRIS RAN OUT OF MONEY
AS SHE STRUGGLED IN POLLS, WHICH SHE ANNOUNCED THIS WAY:
>>HERE’S THE TRUTH TODAY. I’VE TAKEN STOCK AND I’VE LOOKED
AT THIS FROM EVERY ANGLE, AND OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS, I HAVE
COME TO ONE OF THE HARDEST DECISIONS OF MY LIFE.>>Stephe: TECHNICALLY, IT’S NOT
A DECISION IF YOU RAN OUT OF MONEY. THAT’S LIKE GOING ON A DATE AND
SAYING, “HERE’S THE TRUTH TODAY. I’VE TAKEN STOCK AND LOOKED
AT THIS FROM EVERY ANGLE AND I’VE COME TO THE DECISION THAT
I’M BROKE ,AND YOU’RE PAYING FOR DINNER. IT’S ONE OF THE HARDEST–
HAEFORTD DECISIONS I’VE EVER MADE.” IN HER ANNOUNCEMENT, HARRIS
PROMISED TO CONTINUE TO FIGHT DONALD TRUMP, AND IT DIDN’T
TAKE HER LONG TO PROVE IT. AFTER SHE DROPPED OUT, HE
TWEETED, “TOO BAD. WE WILL MISS YOU KAMALA!”
TO WHICH SHE REPLIED, “DON’T WORRY, MR. PRESIDENT. I’LL SEE YOU AT YOUR TRIAL.”( APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪>>Jon: COME ON! COME ON!>>Stephen: OH, SHE’S RUNNING.( LAUGHTER )
HARRIS WASN’T ALONE IN LEAVING THE RACE. ON MONDAY, MONTANA GOVERNOR
STEVE BULLOCK ALSO DROPPED OUT. UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO HIS LOW
POLL NUMBERS, BULLOCK DID NOT QUALIFY TO BE IN THIS JOKE.( LAUGHTER )
BUT IT’S HARD FOR ME NOT TO TAKE THIS A LITTLE PERSONALLY. BECAUSE, YOU SEE, BOTH HARRIS
AND BULLOCK HAD MEMORABLE APPEARANCES ON “THE LATE SHOW.” HARRIS WAS ON THE SHOW FOUR
TIMES, INCLUDING JUST TWO WEEKS AGO FOR HER LAST APPEARANCE ON
LATE NIGHT AS A CANDIDATE. AND REMEMBER WHO ANNOUNCED THEY
WERE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT ON MY SHOW? KIRSTEN GILLLIBRAND AND ERIC
SWALLWELL. I AM OFFICIALLY THE DEMOCRATIC
PRIMARY KISS OF DEATH.( LAUGHTER )
IT MIGHT– I’M NOT SAYING– THIS ISN’T FOR SURE. IT MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO
WITH MY GREEN ROOM, WHERE I STORE MY LADDER, BROKEN MIRROR,
AND BLACK CAT COLLECTION. BUT IF I’M GOING TO BE A JINX,
I MIGHT AS WELL USE IT TO HELP AMERICA: JOHN DELANEY, COME ON
THIS SHOW. IT’S TIME. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK…

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Comments

  1. Thank your for doing your service to help him drop out. Kamala is awesome, but I really want her in as attorney general. Or supreme court.

  2. Both of these monopoly parties have been repeating the same things forever. You know when they get in office nothing really is going to get done on any significant level. Even if something significant is passed it's going to be undone later.by the people with money. Voting Rights Act ring a bell? it's one step forward 100 back. Yet they still need 2 years to run an election. You only need 6 months to keep repeating the same crap you've been repeating since forever.

  3. Oh please! Can USA have someone in HIS/HER 40 with a head on their shoulder to run your country? We’re stuck with one studid a..but you don’t have to be stuck with the same problem 😫😫😫

  4. Its RARE I watch commercials. But I just watched one for BauBax. WOW! Really great products and a great commercial. Well done.

  5. Trump is the curse. Civilization will crumble due to his ignorance:

     https://youtu.be/sG6p2uYjEtY

    Click [CC] subtitles

  6. Trump is the curse. Civilization will crumble due to his ignorance:

     https://youtu.be/sG6p2uYjEtY

    Click [CC] subtitles

  7. Trump is the curse. Civilization will crumble due to his ignorance:

     https://youtu.be/sG6p2uYjEtY

    Click [CC] subtitles

  8. The Bidens are freaky! His son has relations with his sister in law, visit strip clubs and was seen doing crack…(elledgedly)

  9. Wait did he really say Warren doesn't have enthusiasm? Dear lord the man's gone deaf and blind lol she bounces around like a kangaroo. Why do they keep picking the kinda weird candidates lol him and Hilary don't really pull me into the voting booth. Harris was the one I kinda rooted for but she's not dumb, she new she wasn't going to win and she knows where she can really do some damage to the Oval dumb dumb. 🙂 I'd love for her to become Vice Prez

  10. Had no idea he nibbled in his wife's finger like a slowly-turning Zombie. Kissing it would've been much less odd. Like in a different context, the nibble would've been cute or normal… but randomly as she's giving a speech to tons of people? I mean, I wouldn't do it, but okay. At least we can assume they have a healthy marriage, so that's nice.

  11. the USofA is FOR SALE and Putin OWNS y'all. How easy Was the "greatest country" to take over > Trump easy. he's a fuckin foriegn threat and has y'all scared of Mexico ffs.
    Where the hell is that "well regulated" militia now? .. Walmart?!! .. smdh ..
    Y'all need to get rid of the invaders. > aka trump and his clan.

  12. Every show gaslights our values and cheers when we fall, because:
    WE HAVE NO VOICE!

    But maybe.. one day

    … we may have a voice again

    🇺🇸🇺🇸TRUMP 2020. 🇺🇸🇺🇸

  13. Stephen, you missed "gammon and spinach".

    –Dave, and this just goes to show there could've been far worse harrassment complaints

  14. Repeat after me Stephen Colbert!! Trump is my President and he will be President in 2020 and i love how much money he has made me because i put him down every night!!! see Trump is making you money you Jackass!

  15. hard to argue against his thesis after having watched the election returns 3 years ago… I thought they'd have to get him into some recovery for a few days… smug to shrug, county by county… Seriously – I don't understand why D's weren't supporting $ harris – what was unacceptable about her from D side views ?

  16. Why does Stephen keep looking up while mentioning"presidential campaign is important"? I want to hear that exchange between audience member at the balcony and him, else the stare is totally out of context. Lol

  17. To be honest , this country is tired of the political B.S. Honestly, is this guy suppose to be a comedian? or just a political shill? . OMG turning him OFF. One more Trump impersonation and I'm going to barf.

  18. Lots of Epstein related cases going on in the world..
    MORE EXPOSURE
    #world offcials with other🌏leadersg7, g20,#Hollywood celebs, royals,billionares,obama supporting talk show hosts,etc,wealthy & powerful,etc,invited by #Trump& #Obama,destroy people's lives,stalking,watching mother&child on #WiFi in Iran for 4yrs,24/4,religious figures,
    #Muslim & non Muslim,watching them suffering,abused,attacked, all sorts of intelligence torture methods done on us, dew weapons,electronic harassment,etc by #Russian drug dealers&terrorist gov offcls for years! NO proper dental/medical etc, care! NOsupport?!People pay4 offcials'wrongdoings! #Iran high ranks& #UN knew as well!! blackmail trap from Russia or?
    well u can suspend my #Facebook, #Renee panahi or 3 #Twitter accounts, like  @needbefree,@uglybetty2020 , @Renee72805131,to hide the horrible truth but u can't escape God/karma,etc!
    I get threats, harassed all the time on this & other utube channels in Russian & English.. Even have a playlist of threats..Has been going on last3- 4 years
    Iran, Israel, USA, Arabs etc conflicts, fake show.. Everyone was here, still here, & Iran high ranks knew! Got paid from them..Even un knew! Just playing people?!.. The only ones that didn't benefit ANYTHING from this circus show was US being watched unwillingly!!
    our life wasted by rich & powerful, I'm allergic to USA, or hearing anything about it.. Even though I grew up there
    We're in danger every second thanks to dumpobama that support these hideous Russian/Iranian drug dealers trafficking terrorist gang against us ,paying for their drugs etc.. Father & gang & Islamic rep make up fake false doctor reports, docs, etc to keep us prisoners.. Tell everyone we're mental, etc, all sorts of lies to keep us in control, hide us, etc to keep getting drug money from billionaires, Obama & gang Trump, etc..and hide their crimes against us.. Iran high rank offcls knowing all of it done against us but kept us with attackers in same place for years
    Even Pahlavis were watching us, paying the Islamic Republic.. They r wrong if they get together with Russia.. Russians won't give a bone to them .. So much for Pahlavis being human rights activist while violating our rights, privacy & watching us being violated & no support! What a shame & failure.. Iranians suck at being human rights activists whether in or out.. Fake show.. I've been betrayed from everyone, family, Iranians inside& out, abused& violated by Iranians, Americans, Russians, & trashy wealthy & powerful, famous crap from ALL over the world,trashed our life, like parasites, leeches, malign tumors!

  19. Kamala Harris has a nice little track record of trashing high ranking Republicans. She eviscerated Bill Barr. A couple months ago, Donald Jr complained she likes to laugh at her own jokes. She replied "You wouldn't know a joke if you were raised by one"

  20. Democrats were just railroaded 1) this was a setup by GOP 2) Gulilana went to Ukraine the Sting 3) The democrats fell for the TRAP impeach Trump 4) Trump GOP are happy they bit 5) Trump acquitted by the Senate 6) Putin Free Russia didn't do it Ukrain DID and last FBI got stung by a ruthless trap Trump Wins

  21. After all of the accusations of being a womanizer, Joe Biden just couldn't stop himself from sucking a woman's finger, on a public stage no less.

  22. What? Your don't bite your loved ones fingers, when they are flailing their hands in your face? Joe has some impulse issues. That may be a problem, consider who you already have in the whitehouse.

  23. Does the curse extend to the Republican party? One way to find out. Mr. Trump–call Steven and appear on Late Night!

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