Iran, Millennials, Hawaii, Local Elections


UKIP never stood a chance did they? The Tories have bagged the racist vote and Labour hate the Jews. Welcome to British Rationals. In the week when….. This week, Donald Trump announced that he’s pulling America out of the Iran nuclear deal despite opposition from partners
Germany, France, the UK, China and Russia, calling it “rotten” and “embarrassing”. America likes to think it’s the world’s policeman but we’ll get by perfectly fine
without them. That said, we are all gonna die. I don’t know enough about it really. I bet it’s about oil. It’s always about oil. We’re all gonna die. Never mind a Nobel Peace Prize, I think Trump should win a hair-piece Prize *laughs* The Middle East need to take North Korea’s lead. Sort it out yourself then you don’t have to deal directly with Trump. Then let him take the credit. I mean he’s going to anyway. We’re gonna die, aren’t we? I am completely and utterly vexed. How can the combined persuasive forces of Boris Johnson and Theresa May fail to win him over? I mean he must
be some kind of madman! We’re all gonna die! In all seriousness, the man is an
idiot and a danger to every living thing. We are all going to die! My producers have asked me to inform you We’re all going to be fine. This week, a prominent think-tank proposed that every 25 year-old in the country should be given ten thousand pounds as a Citizen’s Inheritance to combat inter-generational inequality. The government shouldn’t get involved. Just cut the middleman and get it from your parents. What if their parents haven’t got 10 grand? Why should our society reward failure? Why not give that 10 K to something useful like nurses and saving lives instead of giving it to 25 year-olds who are gonna spunk it all on vegan cheese and disco biscuits. Ten grand? Great, once I pay my student
loan off that will leave me with precisely minus 17 grand for the deposit on a flat. So there not even gonna let them spend it on a holiday to escape the stress of being a millennial. Ugh. Ten grand? I can get ’em a caravan for
500 quid. Give ’em one of them! That way we’re solving the housing crisis and we’re saving the caravan industry as well. You’re welcome. I mean let’s be honest, it’s not going to happen. It’s just a thinktank desperately trying to justify their own existence. Bit like UKIP. All the residents living near the erupting volcano on Hawaii’s Big Island have been ordered to evacuate after new vents opened up. You know what’s great about
Britain? Not having massive, melty mountains. My ex-girlfriend call me a volcano once. I thought it was because I was a burning hunk of love but she said it was because I suffocate her. And prematurely ejaculate. Its medical. If you buy a house next to an airport you can’t complain about airplane noise. So if you’re buying a house next to a volcano that’s been erupting for 35 years.. do you know what I mean? You see that fellas car that melted? Imagine trying to explain that to Direct Line. Mind you, volcanoes ain’t all that bad I got a couple of extra weeks in
Paphos when that Icelandic one blew up. Tidy. You know who the real victims are here? Moths! Every year 80 million moths are lured to their deaths in volcanoes but you don’t hear Lily Allen banging on about that. A huge destructive mass engulfing all
that stands in its way….. everyone’s upset about it….. no-one quite knows what to do…..
lots of people are leaving…. I didn’t think we were doing Brexit this week? Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn both tried to put a positive spin on local election results this week after Labour and the Conservatives failed to make significant gains. The Lib Dems had a minor resurgence and UKIP was almost wiped out. UKIP never stood a chance did they? The Tories have bagged the racist vote and Labour hate the Jews. We should be embarrassed by the media we have in this country! Labour did exceptionally well and made real progress but this is getting spun as if the Conservatives won just because they have more councillors! A resounding success, we’re still on top. Did you know they put a picture of Theresa May up in an Oxford College to celebrate the result. I voted although I made a fool of myself . When a lady there asked for my number, I gave her my mobile which apparently “isn’t funny” It was the second most embarrassing thing this week. It is medical! Nothing much has really changed with these local elections. Council Tax is still going to go up, those potholes outside my road are still going to be there….. Still, I’m glad UKIP have *bleep* off. Election fever is over so politicians can stop shaking babies and kissing the corporate hand that feeds them. Join us next Friday for more
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