George W. Bush Returns Cold Open – SNL


>>>AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM
FORMER PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH.>>>THANK YOU.
IT IS I GEORGE W. BUSH. AND YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THE W
STANDS FOR “WHAT’S UP”? I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING.
WHAT THE HECK IS THIS HANDSOME DEVIL DOING BACK IN THE OVAL
OFFICE? WELL, THE TRUTH IS, THIS IS JUST
A SET. I HAD IT BUILT IN MY BASEMENT IN
TEXAS SO I CAN PRETEND TO STILL BE PRESIDENT SOMETIMES.
YOU KNOW THE WAY A COP MIGHT RETIRE BUT HE STILL FIRES HIS
GUN INTO THE WOODS BEHIND HIS HOUSE.
THESE ARE MY WOODS. AND THIS IS MY GUN.
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DRINK MORE WATER.
AND THIS MAKES IT — IT MAKES IT FUN.
NOW, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU HAVE BEEN READING THE NEWS LATELY.
I CERTAINLY HAVE NOT. I HAVE BEEN TOO BUSY DOING OIL
PAINTINGS, ACTUALLY GETTING MY M.F.A FROM
THE UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX ONLINE.
I CALL THIS ONE DOGGY GOES TO SPACE.
LIKE I WAS SAYING, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU HAVE SEEN THE NEWS, BUT
ACCORDING TO A NEW POLL, MY APPROVAL RATING IS AT AN ALL-TIE
HIGH. THAT’S RIGHT.
DONNY Q. TRUMP CAME IN AND SUDDENLY I’M LOOKING PRETTY
SWEET BY COMPARISON. AT THIS RATE, I MIGHT END UP ON
MT. RUSHMORE NEXT TO WASHINGTON, LINCOLN, AND I WANT TO SAY
KENSINGTON. I DON’T KNOW.
THE POINT IS THAT I’M SUDDENLY POPULAR AF.
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE SAYING MAN, I WISH GEORGE W. BUSH WAS
STILL OUR PRESIDENT RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
SO I JUST WANTED TO ADDRESS MY FELLOW AMERICANS TONIGHT AND
REMIND YOU GUYS THAT I WAS REALLY BAD.
LIKE HISTORICALLY NOT GOOD. SO I GET WHY YOU DON’T LIKE THIS
CURRENT GUY. HECK, I VOTED FOR JILL STEIN ALL
THE WAY. BUT PLEASE DO NOT LOOK BACK AT
MY PRESIDENCY AND THINK “THIS IS HOW WE DO IT.
DON’T FORGET WE’RE STILL IN TWO DIFFERENT WARS THAT I STARTED.
HEY, THIS IS A GOOD ONE. HOLD ON.
WHAT HAS TWO THUMBS AND CREATED ISIS?
THIS GUY. AT LEAST THE STOCK MARKET IS
DOING WELL NOW. YOU EVER SEEN A GRAPH OF THE
STOCK MARKET DURING MY PRESIDENCY?
THE ONLY GRAPH THAT COMES WITH IT’S OWN SLIDE WHISTLE SOUND
EFFECT. LET’S TAKE A LOOK.
[ WHISTLE ] STOCK MARKET AT 26,000 RIGHT
NOW. I HAD YOU DOWN TO A COOL 8 K.
NOW I’M NO ECONOMER. BUT EVEN I KNOW THAT WAS NO
BUENO. AND YOU WANT TO COMPARE VPs FOR
A SEC. I HEARD YOU HAVE SOME COMPLAINTS
ABOUT MIKE PENCE. BUT IF YOU KNEW HALF THE STUFF
OLD CHENEY WAS UP TO, YOU TAKE NO CAKES FOR GAYS IN A HEART
BEAT. SOME SAY MIKE PENCE IS
HEARTLESS. BUT REMEMBER DICK CHENEY WAS
LITERALLY HEARTLESS. AT THIS POINT, IT’S JUST LEGOS
IN THERE. AND DONALD J. TRUMP THINKS THE
MEDIA HATES HIM. ONE TIME IN IRAQ A REPORTER
THROUGH AN ACTUAL SHOE AT ME. HE TOOK IT OFF OF HIS FOOT,
LOBBED STRAIGHT AT MY NOGGIN. THEN HE GATHERED HIMSELF, TOOK
OFF THE OTHER ONE AND TRIED IT AGAIN.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, SHOE ME ONCE, SHOE’S ON YOU.
SHOE ME TWICE, I’M KEEPING THOSE SHOES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] BUT I FEEL FOR YOU, DONNIE.
I REALLY DO. I’M NOT A — YOU KNOW I’M NOT A
TRUMP SYNTHESIZER. BUT WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
WE ARE BOTH THE EXACT SAME AGE. EVEN THOUGH I WAS PRESIDENT LIKE
40 YEARS AGO. WE BOTH WON THE ELECTION DESPITE
LOSING THE POPULAR VOTE. THOUGH BACK IN MY DAY, WE DIDN’T
LET RUSSIANS RIG OUR ELECTION. WE USED LET THE SUPREME COURT
LIKE AMERICANS. I GUESS THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN ME AND TRUMP IS THAT I HAVE FRIENDS.
PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE ME. I MEAN, HAVE YOU READ THIS NEW
BOOK “FIRE AND THE FURBIES. EVERYONE IN HIS CABINET HATES
HIM. I MEAN I STILL HANG OUT WITH MY
CABINET ALL OF THE TIME.>>MR. PRESIDENT.
>>CONDA RICE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>>I BROUGHT POPCORN. I THOUGHT WE COULD WATCH OUR
FAVORITE MOVIE AGAIN.>>OH YES, “MINNONS.”
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT GOT SNUBBED AT THE OSCARS AGAIN.
>>DID I INTERRUPT SOMETHING?>>NO, I WAS JUST ADDRESSING MY
FELLOW AMERICANS ON TWITCH. AND REMINISCING ABOUT THE GOOD
OLD DAYS WHEN WE WERE IN CHARGE.>>AH, YES.
THOSE WERE THE DAYS. ♪ BOY THE WAY THE GAME
WAS PLAYED EVERYBODY KNEW ♪
♪ THEIR PLACE CHENEY SHOT A GUY
IN THE FACE ♪ ♪ THOSE WERE THE DAYS
♪ THE HOUSE AND MARKET WENT TO HELL ♪
♪ NAZIS KEPT IT TO THEMSELVES SNOTS
♪ BIN LADEN WAS ALIVE AND WELL ♪>>>AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S
“SATURDAY NIGHT.”

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Comments

  1. Bush and Cheney are responsible for creating ISIS. ISIS was not created in 2011. It was a process that lasted for years. ISIS foundations began to arise during the Iraq war, and the political chaos and ruins that were the result of this war, started by Bush and Cheney, contributed to the birth of various terrorist groups and centers of radical Islam, beyond Al-Queda, including ISIS. Obama's actions in Syria in 2011 did not help, of course, but it is not Obama who is guilty of the birth of ISIS, you fucking morons in the comments.

  2. asย  youย  canย ย  seeย ย ย  they don'tย  ragย on ย hilaryย ย  at all.ย ย  whatย  aย  bunch of jerks.

  3. Back in Dubyaahโ€™s day, Republicans didnโ€™t use Russians to rig their elections. They used Floridaโ€™s Supreme Court like Americans.

  4. And now we have another republican president. #RussiaHelpedMeGetElected ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  5. If it wasnโ€™t for SJWs, Leslie would be frying chicken at Popeyes. My goodness sheโ€™s an awful comedians.

  6. Tommy Chong: Hey man I'm running for president this time, hey I'm running for president man hope I win, if I win im gonna make pot legal man.
    Donald Trump: now there's a really cool and misunderstood guy.
    George w. Bush: now this guy running is historically better than me.

  7. I can hear you! And pretty soon the people who knocked down these buildings will hear us all๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ roll thunder

  8. 7.6k still think Bush was good. STILL in the minority, just like he was when first 'voted' in.
    By the way, they ALL suck.

  9. Bush was in fact a horrible president, but compared to Donald Trump he is Augustus Caesar, Abraham Lincoln, Jesus Christ, Albert Einstein and William Shakespeare rolled in to one.

  10. Well if your going to throw a shoe, you really mine as well throw the second. That would be an awkward walk back to the car otherwise. Not to mention what the fuck good is one shoe going to be? You know damn well the secret service aint going to let you retrieve it. They'll say there keeping it for evidence or some shit.

    I'm actually curious what happened to that guy. Does anyone remember how that situation went down & what ended up happening?

  11. SNL STILL NORMALISING A WAR CRIMINAL LET'S FORGET HE STARTED A WAR IN IRAQ THAT GOT OVER 1 MILLION INNOCENT HUMAN BEINGS INCLUDING AMERICANS KILLED HE'S A FUCKING MASS MURDERER THAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SHOULD GROW SOME BALLS AND HOLD ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS ACTIONS NO WONDER AMERICA IS THE CORUPT LAUGHING STOCK OF THE WORLD THESE DAYS WONT BE LONG TILL CHINA TAKES OVER AS THE WORLD LEADING SUPERPOWER THE CORUPTION IN AMERICA STINKS

  12. That was the 'four score and seven years ago' of cold openings. The writing was inspired, and as usual Will and Leslie never, but never broke character. They are the most indisputable past masters of that since Phil Hartman. Keep up the good work!

  13. โ€œWe used Supreme Court like Americans.โ€

    Damn thatโ€™s GOLD ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    And love all the Bushism displayed here

  14. The worse president ever. He colluded with 9/11, there are books with hundreds of facts about it that point to conspiracy, with Bush, Cheney and Rove. And he ordered the bombing of Iraq that had nothing to do with 9/11. Hundreds of thousands of innocent people in Iraq killed in the war. Not to mention the torture of inmates in Cuba. Sleep well, and keep the jokes coming, Bush.

  15. Obama created ISIS and unless you think George Bush did 9/11 he definitely didnโ€™t start the war in Afghanistan

  16. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘

  17. Since republican presidents get dumber with each iteration, the next one is just going to be a brick with a frowny face drawn on it.

  18. Now it wouldn't be a problem for Ellen to be friends with this George W. Bush. He's harmless. As for the one she was taking selfies with, not so much.

  19. I don't have a Twitter account, someone tweet this video to Ellen.

    Maybe this will help her understand why people hate Bush.

  20. I stop watching this really great sketch as soon as Leslie shows up. Good riddance, this was just not your show.

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