Donald Trump Urges Early Voters To Change Their Ballots


WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,”
EVERYBODY. I’M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. WITH JUST SIX DAYS LEFT BEFORE
THE ELECTION, THIS RACE– THIS RACE IS NOW TIGHTER THAN YOUR
SPINNING TERES ARE. TIGHTEN UP. A LITTLE NERVOUS. THEY’RE CLENCHING A LITTLE TIGHT
RIGHT NOW. YOU COULD THROW A KINGSTON BRICK
HEAD UP THERE AND POP OUT SOMETHING LIKE FOR AN ENGAGEMENT
RING? ( LAUGHTER )
NOTICE, A LOT OF DEMOCRATS ARE BLAMING F.B.I. DIRECTOR JAMES
COMEY’S BOMBSHELL ANNOUNCEMENT LAST WEEK THAT HUMA ABEDIN ALSO
USES E-MAIL. WE DIDN’T KNOW. NOBODY KNEW. NOBODY KNEW. IT WAS A SHOCKER. NOW, IT LOOKS LIKE THE F.B.I. IS
TRYING TO HURT HILLARY’S CAMPAIGN, WHICH HAS A LOT OF
PEOPLE UPSET. MOSTLY RUSSIA. THAT’S THEIR GIG. AND NOW, THE F.B.I. JUST
RELEASED DOCUMENTS FROM THEIR 2001 PROBE INTO BILL CLINTON’S
PARDON OF SHADY BILLIONAIRE MARC RICH. YEAH, ALL O OF THE DOCUMENTS. ONCE AGAIN, BILL CLINTON’S IN
TROUBLE AFTER GETTING THE FULL RELEASE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THIS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THIS IS A CLEAR BREACH OF PROTOCOL. IF THE F.B.I. IS GOING TO
RELEASE DOCUMENTS FROM 2001, YOU DO IT ON THROWBACK THURSDAY. ALL RIGHT? ( LAUGHTER )
READ YOUR MANUAL. READ YOUR MANUAL. NOW, THE F.B.I. SAYS THAT THE
TIMING OF THIS RELEASE WASN’T INTENTIONAL. ASKED FOR COMMENT, F.B.I. DIRECTOR COMEY POINTED TO
HIS HAT. THIS RACE– THIS RACE IS NOW SO
CLOSE THAT THE CANDIDATES ARE FIGHTING FOR EVERY SINGLE VOTE
THEY CAN GET, EVEN THE ONES THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN CAST.>>THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR ANY
DEMOCRATIC VOTER WHO HAVE ALREADY CAST THEIR BALLOTS FOR
HILLARY CLINTON AND WHO ARE HAVING A BAD CASE OF BUYER’S
REMORSE. WISCONSIN IS ONE OF SEVERAL
STATES WHERE YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR EARLY BALLOT IF YOU THINK
YOU’VE MADE A MISTAKE, SO IF YOU LIVE HERE, OR IN MICHIGAN, OR
PENNSYLVANIA, OR MINNESOTA– THOSE FOUR PLACES– YOU CAN
CHANGE YOUR VOTE TO DONALD TRUMP. WE’LL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN,
OKAY?>>Stephen: HEY, HEY
( BLEEP ). ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU LEARNED AS
A KID, BUT NO FAIR CHANGEYS. NO BACKSIES. YOU VOTE, YOU’RE STUCK WITH IT. IT’S LIKE A TATTOO. AND, YES, I REGRET MY AL GORE
TRAMP STAMP. AND TO REACH THESE VOTERS, TRUMP
HAS COME UP WITH A NEW WAY TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO DONATE TO
HIS CAMPAIGN.>>I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING
VERY SPECIAL. I AM DEDICATING THIS WALL RIGHT
HERE IN TRUMP TOWER TO A SELECT GROUP OF DONORS AND SUPPORTERS
FROM MY CAMPAIGN, AND I WANT TO ADD YOUR NAME TO THIS WALL. CONTRIBUTE TODAY, LIKE THE GREAT
AMERICANS HERE, AND YOU’LL GET YOUR NAME OFFICIALLY ON THE
TRUMP DONOR BOARD.>>Stephen: THAT’S RIGHT. DONALD TRUMP IS BUILDING A WALL
AND MAKING HIS DONORS PAY FOR IT. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE BEST PART IS IT ONLY COSTS
$49 TO BE IMMORTALIZED ON DONALD TRUMP’S DONOR WALL. OR FOR JUST $6, YOU CAN BUY A
CAN OF SPRAY PAINT AND BE IMMORTALIZED ON TRUMP TOWER. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOW, I’VE MET A LOT OF TRUMP SUPPORTERS AND I MEAN, WHEN YOU
MEET THEM, THEY SEEM LIKE FINE FOLKS WHO OCCASIONALLY
CALL FOR THE JAILING OF THEIR POLITICAL OPPONENTS. BUT SOMETIMES ONE BAD APPLE
MAKES ALL THE APPLES SEEM RACIST. I MAY HAVE SEEN– IT’S NOT THEIR
FAULT. ONE GUYS DID DOES IT AND IT
MAKES IT SEEM LIKE EVERYBODY WITH THE GUY AT THE RALLY AND
THEY WERE. YOU MAY HAVE SEEN THIS CLIP I’M
ABOUT TO SHOW OF ONE RALLY-GOER CHANTING AT A GROUP OF
JOURNALISTS LAST WEEK. A WORD OF WARNING– IF YOUR
CHILDREN ARE IN THE ROOM, YOU MIGHT WANT TO REGRET HAVING
BROUGHT THEM INTO THIS WORLD ( LAUGHTER )
JIM?>>Stephen: IT IS ABSOLUTELY
HORRIFYING TO HEAR THAT KIND OF ANTI-SEMITIC LANGUAGE. USUALLY YOU READ IT IN YAHOO! COMMENTS. BUT A NEWSPAPER TRACKED THE GUY
DOWN. HIS NAME’S GEORGE LINDELL, AND
IT TURNS OUT WE HAD IT ALL WRONG. HE WASN’T CHANTING “JEW S A.” TO TARGET JEWISH PEOPLE, BUT “TO
SHOW SOLIDARITY WITH MEXICANS” AT THE RALLY. YOU KNOW, ALL THE MEXICANS WHO
GO TO TRUMP RALLIES. HERE’S THE DEAL. LINDELL SAID THAT A GROUP OF
MEXICANS AT THE RALLY– AGAIN, THAT HUGE GROUP OF MEXICANS THAT
GOES TO TRUMP RALLIES– HAD STOPPED CHANTING “U.S.A!”
BECAUSE, “IT CAME OUT SOUNDING LIKE “JOO S.A.,” AND
“THEY FELT THE WOULDN’T FIT IN BECAUSE OF THEIR ACCENT.” SEE? IT WAS INNOCENT. IT WAS SO INNOCENT. HE WAS JUST IT’S POOR MAN WAS
JUST TRYING TO MAKE THE MEXICANS FEEL WELCOME SO THEY WOULD HAVE
FOND MEMORIES OF AMERICA AFTER TRUMP LOADED THEM ON TO THE CAT
CATAPULTS. I’M GOING TO CALL THIS THE WORST
EXCUSE OF ALL TIME. IT’S THE WORST POSSIBLE– I
THINK IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN THE CLOSE SECOND. THIS IS THE SECOND-WORST EXCUSE
EXCIEWS OF ALL TIME– “WE WEREN’T BURNING THAT CROSS ON
THE LAWN TO SCARE YOU. WE JUST WANTED YOU TO SEE OUR
COOL GHOST COSTUMES.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND IT’S REASONABLE– ( APPLAUSE )
WHEN ASKED ABOUT WHAT HE SAID AT THE END OF HIS CHANT, LINDELL
SAID HE MUTTERED, “THE JEWS RUN THE COUNTRY ANYWAY.” A STATEMENT HE SAID WAS “JUST
HORSING AROUND.” HE WAS JUST HORSING AROUND. ADDING, “YOU KNOW WHO’S TO
BLAME? THE JEWISH HORSES.” SO THIS ELECTION HAS NOW
OFFICIALLY RUINED EVERYTHING– HORSES, TACO BOWLS, BILLY BUSH’S
CAREER. AND NOW, BRACE YOURSELVES, IT’S
RUINED YOGURT BECAUSE CHOBANI YOGURT FOUNDER
HAMDI ULUKAYA IS GETTING THREATS FOR HELPING IMMIGRANTS. LOOK, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOGURT
IS SUPPOSED TO HELP JAMIE LEE CURTIS POOP, AND THAT’S IT. GOOD LUCK, JAMIE. SEE, IT TURNS OUT– THAT’S WHAT
THE COMMERCIAL SAYS. SEE– I BELIEVE IT. SEE, IT TURNS OUT THAT THE OWNER
ULUKAYA EMPLOYS SYRIAN REFUGEES IN HIS FACTORIES AND STARTED A
FOUNDATION TO HELP MIGRANTS. AND NOW THERE ARE CALLS TO
BOYCOTT CHOBANI, AND THE COMPANY HAS BEEN TAUNTED WITH RACIST
EPITHETS ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK. IT’S NO SURPRISE THAT ONLINE
TROLLS ARE IN A RACE TO THE BOTTOM. THAT’S WHERE ALL THE FRUIT IS. THAT’S WHERE ALL THE FRUIT IS. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WE HERE AT THE “LATE SHOW” LIKE
TO BE HELPFUL. WHICH IS WHY WE’RE INTRODUCING A
NEW YOGURT FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BOYCOTT CHOBANI. INTRODUCING XENOGURT: IF YOU
LOVE YOGURT BUT HATE THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE IT. INSTEAD OF ACTIVE CULTURES,
XENOGURT HAS ONE MONOLITHIC CULTURE THAT NEVER CHANGES. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ENJOY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MMM. MMM. MMM. THAT IS JUST A PROP. ( LAUGHTER )
I’M NOT SURE WHAT I JUST PUT IN MY MOUTH. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) BUT IT AIN’T YOGURT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT’S FUN. THAT’S FUN. NICE SURPRISE. BUT AS UGLY AS THE CAMPAIGN HAS
BEEN, THIS HAS BEEN A HISTORIC YEAR FOR WOMEN. ANY WOMEN HERE? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THERE IT IS. WE MIGHT HAVE THE FIRST FEMALE
PRESIDENT, WOMEN ON THE U.S. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOMEN ON THE U.S. OLYMPIC TEAM WON MORE MEDALS THAN THE MEN,
AND PERHAPS MOST EXCITINGLY, BONO HAS BEEN NAMED THE FIRST
MAN ON “GLAMOUR’S” “WOMEN OF THE YEAR” LIST. YOU DID IT, LADIES! CONGRATULATIONS. WOMEN HAVE COME SO FAR, NOW
YOU’RE MEN. I ASSUME FOR BONO TO BE ON THIS
LIST, EVERY OTHER WOMAN HAS ALREADY GOTTEN ONE OF THESE. ACCORDING TO “GLAMOUR’S” EDITOR
IN CHIEF, THEY INCLUDED A MAN BECAUSE “THERE ARE SO MANY MEN
WHO REALLY ARE DOING WONDERFUL THINGS FOR WOMEN THESE DAYS.” SOME MEN GET IT, AND BONO IS ONE
OF THOSE GUYS. IT’S LIKE THAT OLD SAYING: IN
FRONT OF EVERY GREAT WOMAN STANDS A GUY WHO REALLY GETS
IT. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) , OF COURSE,, OF COURSE,– I
MEAN TO BE FAIR, BONO WASN’T THE ONLY WOMAN OF THE YEAR. “GLAMOUR” ALSO HONORED SUCH
ACTUAL WOMEN AS THE FOUNDERS OF BLACK LIVES MATTER, GYMNASTICS
PHENOM SIMONE BILES, AND HEAD OF THE I.M.F. CHRISTINE LEGARDE. THEIR PRIZE: GETTING TO MEET
BONO. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MICHAEL STRAHAN IS HERE. SO
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.

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Comments

  1. Sad to see the selling out of Stephen Colbert. Objectivity be damned. Just support Hillary at any cost, right Stephen.

  2. I hope on Wednesday morning president Clinton will arrest this clown for the rape he committed on the 13 year old girl and for spreading hate and stupidity in this election.

  3. The majority of the American people know that both presidential choices are terrible. But you are told to pick your best version of a bad decision. And even people who don't like being told how to vote do as they are told. So which do you choose, calamity or catastrophe?

    This is all evidence of an End for what we call America. Christians use Trump as if is the messiah to save us all (or at least all the color appropriate, fiscally salubrious of us). How can we blame any party for this? The system is obviously rigged but we fall for it hook, line, and sinker. I don't even need to talk about Hillary (I do not support her).

    If you are a bible believing Christian don't follow a guy who worships mammon, (I'm not saying that don't follow a guy who has money). Come out of the world, pray for our country and do the work of God. This world obviously belongs to the Adversary.

    If you are a Christian you have two choices, I just hope you know that at least one of those choices is a quote directly from the bible. 'Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues'

  4. these comments are so ignorant! you guys are sheep! wake up and see that these criminals (hillary and her crew) want control over america, they want to make poor, they will take the money you work for and support your family with. they want to poison your food and water so you resort medications that make a problem worse, also you pay for the meds so more money in the corporations pocket while your slowly being killed by the meds they say help you. want proof of this?? go through the wikileaks emails. the proof is there. its your choice to look but dont say im a crazy person making this shit up if you choose the be ignortant. dont believe mainstream media's corporate intrest lies, wake up and save humanity.

  5. I've been skipping the part when DT talks. Can't stand the voice or look of this…person. I hope he loses coz it's depressing to see the filthy rich get everything they want every time. But it's DISGUSTING to see him visiting our country China. Imagine the dirty old man hugs one of the flower girls at airport! Gives one the creep. Of course Chinese leadership will have an easier time with this idiot. Still, I just don't like to see disgusting ppl win. It's a bad message to the world and children.

  6. This is not as close as the media wants us to believe. It's just not. I'm from Nevada. We had Sharron Angle on the ballot against Harry Reid a while back. We all remember her, right? Okay. Well, everyone was so worried we'd elect that nutjob. But I kept telling everyone we were not that crazy and stupid. I got called all kinds of names but I was right. So why am I telling you this? Because those of us with a little faith in humanity are called idiots all the time. That doesn't mean we don't all have to go out and vote. It doesn't mean we can just watch and hope. We have to do the thing but we will get this done. We won't let Trump get in. I'm not saying I'm always right. I'm far from that. What I'm saying is I didn't believe we were that stupid then and I don't think we're that stupid now. If NEVADA, the home of Jim Gibbons, Crescent Hardy, and Sharron Angle, can do the right thing then how can I believe the whole country won't do better? This is Nevada, people. Nevada. We got our shit together and we'll get our shit together now. Trump is far more dangerous than Sharron Angle ever was. Go out and vote. Vote for Clinton. It won't be in vain. You'll help us all do the right thing just like we did six years ago. I believe in us. I have hope. You should too. Let's make this thing happen.

  7. 8 YEARS OF DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENCY Positive results ???
    U.S. Foreign Policy Failures
    U.S. economic Failures

    have you memory disorders ?????

    USA needs changing in emergency 8 YEARS 8 YEARS 8 YEARS maybe 12 YEARS IF YOU DON'T REACT…

  8. Why not ask them to change their votes. You asked terminally ill people to vote for you.  You are truly a huge people on the ass of the USA.

  9. "We're going to make America great again, okay?" Did he finally lose hope in himself or why is he putting and "okay?" on the end of most of his sentences recently? Or is that some new identification between dipshits so they recognize each other on the streets?

  10. Stephen — do a show about Standing Rock! #WeDemandYouStandWithStandingRock Let's hold media and talk show hosts accountable. Share this far and wide on their youtube channels! #endmediawhiteout #NoDAPL

  11. Liberal pathetic creatures !! before the Brexit, they were calling people racists, stupid and xenophobic ! then 17 million ppl voted to leave the liberal led union called EU ! suck it liberals .. you are so pathetic !
    Vote Trump 2016 ! Hillary 4 Jail !

  12. Not sure if there is enough beer and weed to get through today, I have never been more anxious at the prospect of a candidate winning. In fairness I do enjoy getting fucked up, just hate that the headache comes before I partake.

  13. Yes I live in Wisconsin and voted early. But NO! I do not regret voting democratic. I voted for the person who has the best chance to defeat Trump.

  14. The Joo-S-A is correct, when I heard it, I thought about my dad(He's Puerto Rican). Not jew-S-A. Kinda shows that nobody care really.

  15. that jew-s-a guy isnt he an actor…

    edit: "reality hits you hard bro" from songify the news… seems suspicious to me.

  16. East Donors of Clintons foundation made generous subsidies,could easily buy loyalty of 90 per cent of media (even comics) Hmm..Brainwashing in action.So don't worry Trump would not be permitted to win as Assange said

  17. These guys used to be my favorite thing. Now they pander, spitting on each other, eating props; who are they talking to now?. They used to use subtle intelligence, now it's slapstick bull*t.

  18. Can I still get on Trump's donor board if I send my $49 tomorrow?
    I mean, it'd be fun to be on the board. But I don't want to do anything to actually help him win. You know, like help his campaign budget or, God forbid, VOTE FOR him, the country's most un-adorable deplorable.

  19. Colbert and Stewart should be careful. How safe will they be if Trump wins? I guessing going after his detractors and locking them up will be one of the first tasks of the Trump administration.

  20. Three proposals to fix the election system in america
    – proportinal voting
    – remove donations
    – elect a party not a person
    – stricter rules at debates, for example no name calling, no interrupting and when a question is asked you're forbidden to turn it around to talk about the other opponent instead of answering

  21. Meanwhile Obama has said that illegal immigrants should vote; despite not being legal citizens.

    Double standards, eh?

  22. I struggle to see how anyone can ever defend hillary when bills rape allegations have existed for decades.

    Id go for an orange over a corrupt A.I. Cunt anyday.

  23. Fuck you, America. You just elected a reality TV demagogue as your actual political leader. It wasn't enough that you shit us all financially when you brought Bush in, but now you've again wiped billions off the stock exchange fucking us all again. Whatever happens to you now, you fucking deserve it. Cheers from Australia and go drop dead.

  24. yes so I'm Latino and I support Trump. also a few of my friends are Mexican and they support Trump. so what's the joke? am I supposed to laugh because it's unbelievable that a latino would support Trump?

  25. Why should you not be able to change your vote? If it's before election day and some candidate does something to change your mind, then why should we not be able?

  26. Omg that guy who was chanting "Jew-S-A" is the guy from the viral video "reality hits you hard, bro" isn't he!? Well isn't this a very small disturbing world. :

  27. I wonder how long it takes before we start hearing about people getting in there and scratching their names off the wall. Lol. 👉🏻🙀⌛️⛏👉🏻❓👉🏻😆🙄
    Also, loved the joke about 'Building a wall and making the donors pay for it. 👍🏻

  28. I was raised Jewish and I think chanting JEW S A is stupid, but it's certainly not anti-Semitic. It's not even really offensive to me.

  29. Boy The Sheeple are as RIDICULOUS as their leader when making excuses for the sh** that they say.

    I WOULDN'T MIND getting "IT" from Bono!❤

  30. Aw, it’s enjoyable to relive how Colbert and fellow lefties hated Comedy when he was hurting Clinton but loved him when he was hurting Trump. It’s almost as though who Comey hurt was more important than how well he did his job.

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