And that’s… that… Like we’re a country… Like we’re a reality show because that’s what he had to do like he had to do it But why? Because that’s what people want nowadays. I’m Shakira, and I identify as a democrat My name is Anthony, and I identify as an independent. My name is Chelsea, and I identify as a republican [Shakira] Yeah, man. Yes
[Chelsea] Yes, sir [Anthony] Yes. Honestly not with random people. I don’t know—because a lot of people get offended with politics nowadays Mm-Hmm [Chelsea] You tell me. For some reason, it’s a touchy subject—
[Shakira] You don’t know?! [Chelsea] Oh, I get it.
[Shakira] C’mon, girl [Chelsea] I understand, but it’s also part of life, so why get offended by something? [Shakira] Ok. [Chelsea] Other people’s views—
[Shakira] I don’t think it’s other people’s views that they’re offended by. They’re offended by the fact that our country is being run by someone who’s not sweeping their, the way they feel about people under the rug. People openly voted for him, even though he openly offended people. [Shakira] But you have to say, you know, say something because—see, you have to say something. [Chelsea] Um, y-you know— [background laughter] [Chelsea] Why let somebody …
[Anthony] Say it. Go ahead. I got this. [Chelsea] Like, if you have—
[Shakira] He’s our president, that’s why! [Shakira] So, therefore, most people who feel the way they feel about those things feel like it’s more okay. Because they have someone who’s leading this country who’s telling them, “Hey, it’s okay to feel the way that you feel because I’m your leader and I feel the same way.” [Anthony] We’ve intensified, like, almost the negativity.
[Shakira] Why do you think that is? [Chelsea] Social media, honestly.
[Anthony] Yes, I believe that too. [Shakira] You don’t think it has anything to do with who the president is, who’s representing the republican side right about now? [Chelsea] I think it’s a factor, but I don’t think it’s—
[Shakira] You don’t think it’s the main factor?
[Chelsea] Mm-m. [Anthony] You think like—well, like—think about like fake news. Do you think that’s real? [Chelsea] I think news stations are really biased nowadays as well—
[Shakira] They only show you what they want to show you to get you riled up, to get you to keep watching. [Anthony] And keep you watching so you can buy those products!
[Shakira] Yeahhh [Anthony] Everything is going back to the money.
[Chelsea] I’m trying to decide if I want to keep smoking or not. [Anthony] Do it, do it, do it. You’ll be alright. [Anthony] You guys ever smoke out of the bong?
[Chelsea, to production crew] There, it’s done.
[Anthony] I’ve been eyeing this thing out of the corner of my eye. [Shakira] Ooo, that looks so scary!
[Chelsea] I’m gonna puke!
[Shakira] Holy fuck! Holy shit, holy fuck! [Shakira, laughing] That’s crazy! [Anthony] Yeahhh
[Shakira] Damnnn [Anthony] Now let’s talk some politics.
[crew laughs] [Anthony] Oh, little gremlin-man? I’m tired of Jeff Sessions!
[Shakira] About what? What’d he say? [Anthony] Jeff Sessions! Jeff session little Gollum-lookin’ motherfucker, man [Anthony] The one thing that we all gotta agree on is, like, we still all are Americans, y’know. [Chelsea] I think that’s what Trump brings back. [Anthony] And, see, I-I-I think he’s bringing it back to a white America [Chelsea] Yeah, yeah, 100%.
[Anthony] Yeah, I think so for sure.
[Shakira] Yes, of course. I was a poor Mexican growing up. Y’know? I mean, I’ve heard the “Go back to your country” once, and I was just like “Dude, c’mon”…
[Shakira] That’s terrible. [Anthony] … But for me, it’s like, I honestly don’t let it, like, affect me. Like, and I mean I’m not black, so it’s definitely different. The first time, like—for me at least—I go to the store, and because I’m not dressed a certain way, a woman called security on me. [Shakira] Like, damn, so I am black. I really realized I was black that day, and it’s like [Chelsea] But haven’t- *sighs* I think some of these stigmas you guys have actually— like, you placed upon yourselves. [Shakira] Like what? Give me an example.
[Chelsea] Like… You can move on from that. Like when I was 2 years old, y’know, I’d shit my pants. My mom told me not to. I stopped. [Shakira] You’re comparing the oppression of black people to shitting your pants?
[Chelsea] See! This is—no! Y’know, we can’t shit our pants, and then get over it tomorrow, when we are still getting shit on. You know what I mean? [Shakira] Hold on. Give me one moment. Sorry, I’d lost track. *laughs* Sorry! I’m high, y’all! [Chelsea] Our country shouldn’t be looked at as like, “Let’s consider everyone’s feelings all the fuckin’ time.” It’s: this country needs to be ran, and this man’s going to do it.
I think he’s a shitty human being though. [Anthony] I mean that’s how I feel about Floyd Mayweather. [Chelsea] I think we all are getting persecuted for our religious beliefs because, in all honesty, I’m a Christian, and I’ve been beaten down because I am. [Chelsea] Probably not, no. [All] Yes. [Shakira] Amongst us?! [laughter]
[Anthony] I was like, “Damn, you guys do it like THIS on this show?!” [Anthony] I’m fucking somebody? It’s Paul Ryan. [Shakira] Pence?! Oh, hell, fuck no! Kill that motherfucker. [Shakira] Imma fuck him. I will fuck his ass, and then I’m gonna marry Paul Ryan
[Anthony] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Shakira] C’mon. [Anthony] Fair enough.
[Chelsea] I’m gonna marry Pence. I’m going to kill Paul, and I’m gonna fuck Donald Trump.
[Shakira laughs] [Shakira] Hear that, Donald? Yeah, you got two pussies you gotta grab. [Chelsea] I do actually. You know, I’m a single mom, and I have been since I was 18 years old. It helped me tremendously It’s the only medical insurance I can get. It’s touchy for me because it scares me. You know. I’m a single mom. She’s three years old things happen. [Anthony] Anyone who’s against immigration. You know, I’m just like “Huh??” Three generations ago, your grandparents were doing exactly the same thing. [Shakira] Wow. I did not know that.
[Shakira] Whoa! What the fuck? How come I didn’t know that? [Chelsea] ‘Cause you’re a Democrat! They try to hide things from each other! [Shakira] That’s exactly—that’s what I’m talking about! I didn’t know that. I’m—that’s fucked up! I’m not with that! [Anthony] 100%
[Anthony] I feel like it’s your civic duty. [Shakira] I didn’t vote because I saw, like, they both are shit, and it’s like I don’t want to choose shit. [Chelsea] And that’s why I didn’t vote. I really can’t fully commit to voting for this man when I know that he’s treating people like shit. [Shakira] You didn’t vote?
[Anthony] High five?
[Shakira] Oh, I like that. Me either. No! Boo! You guys should be voting, man! [unintelligibly speaking over each other] [Anthony] Yes! I voted!
[Shakira] Who did you vote for?
[Anthony] I wrote in Bernie Sanders. [Chelsea] Y’know…there’s not much we can fix. Like, it’s hard to be so one way, and so the other way. [Anthony] It almost makes me feel, as the independent, like, is this good for their business? Like, having so much tension always around? Y’know, is it good because, then, it keeps people on like just enough at bay? To where they don’t unite and realize that maybe there is a scam going on. [Shakira] It is always a crock of shit. Like, y’all are just… [Chelsea] Maybe out of this whole conversation, I’m more independent. [Shakira] Ohh, ok! [Chelsea, loudly singing the national anthem]
♫ Ohh, say, can you see? ♫ ♫ By the dawn’s early light? ♫ [Shakira coughs loudly] ♫ What so proudly we hail’d…♫
[Anthony] God bless it ♫ At the twilight’s last gleaming? ♫
[Anthony coughs loudly]
[Shakira to Chelsea] Just do it, just do it. [Anthony still coughing]
♫ And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air ♫ ♫ Gave proof through the night ♫
[Shakira and Anthony both have coughing fits] [Coughing continues]
♫ That our flag was still there ♫ [very off-key] ♫ O’er the land of the free ♫ [Shakira, quietly] Oh, wait, no ♫ And the home of the brave ♫ [Shakira, Anthony, and crew clapping]
[Anthony] Aw, yayy! [Anthony] I’ll take another bong hit.
[Shakira] I’m high! [outro music, slowly fades]